"Are You Getting Nervous?"

That's the question I've been getting more than any other, and I have to admit that it's kind of starting to annoy me lol. Are people wanting to know if I'm getting nervous about: ...my decision to marry Patrick? ...if I think all the details are going to come together? ...if I have a lot of last-minute planning to do? Is it just what people think they should ask?

I don't know. I feel like it's just an expectation that I'm SUPPOSED to be nervous, and I don't know how I feel about that. The more people who ask me that question, the more I feel like it's the feeling I'm supposed to have. That's the thing that creates nervousness. I'd much rather get the question, "Are you getting excited?" or "What's your latest project?" The question that's worse is when they flat out ask, "Are you sure?" Reeeally? If I wasn't sure, I definitely wouldn't be at this point!

With all the planning we've done the last 11+ months, we have almost everything together. There's not much left to do before May 26th.

When it comes down to it, I'm completely confident in the decision we made to get married. I'm crazy about Patrick, and I have no doubt that we're the right people for each other. We've gone through so much in the last couple years, and we've come out stronger than I could have imagined. We have the same plan for the future, and that plan includes both of us. I couldn't create a better guy for me if I tried, and I think (hope!) he feels the same about me.

The name thing still gets me; that's been the thing that I've been having the hardest time with. I've been Lisa Kowalewski for more than the last 29 years. Growing up, I got used to being called Kawasaki and most often "Lisa K" because they couldn't (or were scared to try to) pronounce it. Not many people had last names that were 10 letters, and I liked that it was unique. I accomplished everything I have with the last name Kowalewski, and I'm still not used to the idea of giving it up.

Patrick + Lisa = <3

It's not that I'm against taking Patrick's name; I'm actually really proud to do so. I've always planned on changing my name when I got married, but still... It's just my mental struggle having to do with the thought that it's partially giving up my independence and the person I've been up to the wedding day.

I've tried to get myself comfortable writing/signing my name, but each time I do so, I feel like I'm a little girl in elementary school doodling my name with my crush's name, haha. I have my signature figured out, but it's still going to take a while for me.

- Lisa